"Eeeeeeeh! You know the drill. You yap and yap and yap until the fuuuuck-in' beepity boop. And who knows? If your voice doesn't annoy the shit out of me, I miiiight just call ya back!"
[The gesture is meek, cowardly even, but he slowly presses his lips to those fingers as an apology. Mark is an amalgamation of contradictions, so many qualities he has shouldn't exist in one person, and yet they do. It's maddening, mostly because he is a glaring beacon signaling for Rex to do better at all times. And Rex doesn't like being reminded, especially when he feels as though he's already putting in so much effort.]
Sorry.
I know that if we're gonna get anywhere, I'm gonna have to stop comparing myself to you.
[He tilts his head forward, touching the crook of his nose to a few of Mark's knuckles.]
But this superhero gig feels like one giant dick-measuring contest, most days. It doesn't help that the papers make it worse, and I know I shouldn't pay attention to those? But, fuck! What I have goin' for me is kinda just it. I look good, I know what I'm doing in bed, and I... Eat, breathe, sleep combat. I have for the past seven years and I'm not even twenty?
[Rex utters that realization breathlessly; it is the first time he has considered that.]
And then you show up and blow all of that out of the water! I think the reason it pisses me off so much is that... You had a normal life, until a point.
[He sighs.]
Sometimes I forget that where you're at is... Fuck, it's just that, it's normal.
[ He appreciates the apology and the kiss on the hand is unexpected, but the overall conversation is making his mood plummet. He feels a ping of guilt and he doesn't like that, so he has to think about why he feels that kind of guilt. Rex is jealous, but everything he's jealous about, Mark doesn't have any control over. It makes his eyebrows slowly pull together. ]
Alright. And somehow all of that is my fault? I don't really have a say so in any of those things. What do you want me to do about it, Rex? If I piss you off so much just for existing then why the hell are you even with me? I don't know what to say about all of this. I didn't have a say so in my upbringing, and neither did you. What do you want me to do about the hero thing? Should I just not do it? Cause there was a period there for awhile where I was heavily considering throwing in the towel. And my biology now? Jesus. You're fortunate you're not going to outlive everyone you care about like I'm going to have to deal with.
[ On that note, he slips off of the other hero, allowing the blanket to remain on Rex. He's on his feet now, hands settling on his hips. He seems stern, but not so much angry. ]
You're teasing me about not being ready for this, but I think it's the other way around.
[He sits still under that blanket, silent as Mark speaks. Rex does his best to hear the words, straining his ears desperately to catch them all, but they're all drowned out, lost in a whirlpool of never-ending doubt and self loathing. No matter what he does, he is broken and unlovable, and he will always end up with his feet in the snow, standing all by himself, peering at everybody else. Perhaps his no-good mother and father had been right to cast him aside. Eve had been foolish to try her hand at fixing him. Kate just wanted what she thought she couldn't have.]
Maybe I'm not.
[The Mark who stands before him is not likely to be the one he returns to. They are from two different points in time, perhaps different timelines entirely, and it is far more likely that Rex will have to watch not one but two people he loved fall for each other and despise him for being a philandering, obnoxious blowhard. The selfless part of him, the one that knows better, is happy for them. They are good people, gentle and so full of love, and Eve, especially Eve, deserves the kind of person who can give her everything she ever really needed from a partner.
But the loudest voice, the selfish part? It hopes they both get hit by a goddamn comet.]
You're right.
My feelings aren't your fault.
[When will things finally feel right for him, for Rex? As it stands at the moment, if he does not change... He will never be fit for anybody. All things considered, it's both surprising and telling that Mark even let him get this far in the first place.]
I'm sorry.
Having superpowers is great! But they're also super bogus sometimes... 'Cause of how lonely they make us feel.
[He comes to the conclusion that he can't have Mark, can't possess him. They will never be two, not finitely. Still, Rex can love the poor boy while he can. Build him up and keep him warm.
Maybe it's better this way.]
You wanna meet me inside? I should probably clear my head before we head in for the night.
[ People aren’t perfect, Mark is still learning. Nolan was a prime example of that— he seemed like such the perfect hero, model, father.. and although Mark knew that people have flaws or sometimes they aren’t always what they seem, the recent development with his father has really knocked the wind out of him and made him untrusting of a lot of people.
It should make him untrusting of Rex, especially after what happened with Eve.
But somehow Mark still lingers by Rex; somehow he still reeled indebted, and, more recently, fond of him. The apology is sincere and he knows it, so he softens both his expression and his stance. Now he’s really not in the mood and Rex is going to really have to work to get him all hot and bothered again.
His hands fall to his sides and he reaches up to gently stroke Rex’s hair, allowing a sigh to pass his lips. ]
Thank you. For letting me speak and for apologizing. It’s.. fine. And yeah, I’m going to go inside, so.. take your time.
Be gentle on yourself.
[ He retracts his hand and walks back to the sliding door to the cabin, shutting it behind him. Man. He feels really guilty, but it’s another lesson he is learning which is standing up for himself.
He hasn’t noticed, but his number has gone down. ]
[He waits, prepared for some ultimatum that he isn't ready to hear, or more anger. Instead, there is nothing more than a few sentences uttered within reason. No hands thrown or glasses broken.
This has happened before, so many times, and yet he still flinches. Waiting for a sharp blow to the chin or a puncturing of the flesh, and neither occurs, not today.
The door closes on Rex before he can finish, the urge to turn and run rising. But if he does run. He could sprint in the opposite direction and never return, this train is seemingly never-ending, running for an infinite number of miles.]
Yeah.
[But he wants to move forward, even though he's tempted to drag his feet as he does.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
2/2
Sorry.
I know that if we're gonna get anywhere, I'm gonna have to stop comparing myself to you.
[He tilts his head forward, touching the crook of his nose to a few of Mark's knuckles.]
But this superhero gig feels like one giant dick-measuring contest, most days. It doesn't help that the papers make it worse, and I know I shouldn't pay attention to those? But, fuck! What I have goin' for me is kinda just it. I look good, I know what I'm doing in bed, and I... Eat, breathe, sleep combat. I have for the past seven years and I'm not even twenty?
[Rex utters that realization breathlessly; it is the first time he has considered that.]
And then you show up and blow all of that out of the water! I think the reason it pisses me off so much is that... You had a normal life, until a point.
[He sighs.]
Sometimes I forget that where you're at is... Fuck, it's just that, it's normal.
no subject
Alright. And somehow all of that is my fault? I don't really have a say so in any of those things. What do you want me to do about it, Rex? If I piss you off so much just for existing then why the hell are you even with me? I don't know what to say about all of this. I didn't have a say so in my upbringing, and neither did you. What do you want me to do about the hero thing? Should I just not do it? Cause there was a period there for awhile where I was heavily considering throwing in the towel. And my biology now? Jesus. You're fortunate you're not going to outlive everyone you care about like I'm going to have to deal with.
[ On that note, he slips off of the other hero, allowing the blanket to remain on Rex. He's on his feet now, hands settling on his hips. He seems stern, but not so much angry. ]
You're teasing me about not being ready for this, but I think it's the other way around.
no subject
Maybe I'm not.
[The Mark who stands before him is not likely to be the one he returns to. They are from two different points in time, perhaps different timelines entirely, and it is far more likely that Rex will have to watch not one but two people he loved fall for each other and despise him for being a philandering, obnoxious blowhard. The selfless part of him, the one that knows better, is happy for them. They are good people, gentle and so full of love, and Eve, especially Eve, deserves the kind of person who can give her everything she ever really needed from a partner.
But the loudest voice, the selfish part? It hopes they both get hit by a goddamn comet.]
You're right.
My feelings aren't your fault.
[When will things finally feel right for him, for Rex? As it stands at the moment, if he does not change... He will never be fit for anybody. All things considered, it's both surprising and telling that Mark even let him get this far in the first place.]
I'm sorry.
Having superpowers is great! But they're also super bogus sometimes... 'Cause of how lonely they make us feel.
[He comes to the conclusion that he can't have Mark, can't possess him. They will never be two, not finitely. Still, Rex can love the poor boy while he can. Build him up and keep him warm.
Maybe it's better this way.]
You wanna meet me inside? I should probably clear my head before we head in for the night.
no subject
It should make him untrusting of Rex, especially after what happened with Eve.
But somehow Mark still lingers by Rex; somehow he still reeled indebted, and, more recently, fond of him. The apology is sincere and he knows it, so he softens both his expression and his stance. Now he’s really not in the mood and Rex is going to really have to work to get him all hot and bothered again.
His hands fall to his sides and he reaches up to gently stroke Rex’s hair, allowing a sigh to pass his lips. ]
Thank you. For letting me speak and for apologizing. It’s.. fine. And yeah, I’m going to go inside, so.. take your time.
Be gentle on yourself.
[ He retracts his hand and walks back to the sliding door to the cabin, shutting it behind him. Man. He feels really guilty, but it’s another lesson he is learning which is standing up for himself.
He hasn’t noticed, but his number has gone down. ]
no subject
This has happened before, so many times, and yet he still flinches. Waiting for a sharp blow to the chin or a puncturing of the flesh, and neither occurs, not today.
The door closes on Rex before he can finish, the urge to turn and run rising. But if he does run. He could sprint in the opposite direction and never return, this train is seemingly never-ending, running for an infinite number of miles.]
Yeah.
[But he wants to move forward, even though he's tempted to drag his feet as he does.]
I'll see you later.
[Rex's number also decreases.]