"Eeeeeeeh! You know the drill. You yap and yap and yap until the fuuuuck-in' beepity boop. And who knows? If your voice doesn't annoy the shit out of me, I miiiight just call ya back!"
[ Quite frankly it's rather embarrassing it has taken him this long to get around to this. It has sat like a weight on his shoulders since Minecraftia, but this train had a way of separating it's passengers in a way Obi-Wan has yet to quite figure out. Despite the linear nature of the place, he can't even keep an eye on Anakin all the time, and he is the one person Obi-Wan should always arguably know the location of.
Regardless he makes his way to the saunas, dressed down in a way he usually isn't, which shows the number 305 on his forearm. ]
[Rex is completely sprawled out against the back wall of the sauna, manspreading with both his arms and legs, covered in nothing save for a towel draped hastily around his waist. High temperatures don't typically phase him, but it is the moisture and the stress of the past few weeks that has got him in another one of his moods. He takes note of Obi-Wan's attire and rolls his eyes immediately.]
You look so dumb.
[In his mind, which Obi-Wan can certainly read, Rex finds the outfit to be lacking a badly rolled joint containing some overpriced herb.]
[ Saunas are new to him not in function, but in practice. They existed in the Temple for their more delicately skinned members, beings who came from damp planets, but he had never been drawn to them himself. He can understand the appeal of it, although it doesn't feel quite so good fully dressed. Already his linens are heavy with the moisture in the air, weighing against his skin in a way that is just this side of unpleasant.
He studies at Rex for a moment, the easy sprawl with which he takes up space; the nonchalant expression and the aggressive greeting. A great show to cover up the uncertainty and defensiveness underneath, the place where Rex has offered something vulnerable and Obi-Wan had slapped his hand away.
Obi-Wan holds none of that against him.
What he does do is fold his hands behind his back at parade rest. He isn't sure when this started to become his default for a serious, respectful conversation when he isn't wearing his robes. ]
When we were in the mines, I was deep into the sickness the spores were spreading. I was... much further along than I had anticipated. Or rather, my continued exposure hurried it along. Later symptoms of the disease include delirium and erratic behaviour.
Regardless— my actions were inexcusable. [ His gaze lifts from where it had moved away during his explanation. ] And I am sorry for not only putting your life in danger, but for suggesting any of it was your fault.
[It's an act, as is everything else about Rex's cocky smokeshow. That's all he is, smoke and mirrors, screaming his name from the rooftops hoping that someone, anyone, will remember a sad fuck whose entire life, all his innocence, was sucked into this shithole of a miserable career. But that's the thing- The superhero lifestyle is a bloody knock-down, drag-out cockfight, abusive and unforgiving, and all anybody ever remembers is the strongest one.
Even though there are so many others. Risking their lives to do the right thing. And doing the right thing is damn hard, especially when nobody ever loved you the right way, save for one person. And he had gone and fucked it up! Because he couldn't trust her, because love was something that he'd never been given. He'd fought and killed for the next best thing, which was respect.]
I put my life on the line every day! Willingly, even. Or well, back home at least.
That part I don't give a shit about.
[He fucking does. Rex smiles anyway.]
What really ground my gears was you suggestin' that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. My powers are dangerous. Yeah! I know.
It takes a lotta practice to do what I do. Precision at it's fucking finest. Also, if I'm not in the best goddamn shape of my life? My powers start goin' haywire. Also, also! If I ever start gettin' that sloppy, I'd be a dead man for sure.
[That part is serious. He's a professional superhero with no education past the eighth grade. Haughty and ill-tempered. He has no place in the regular world.]
And unlike you psychic space fucks? There's only one person who can do what I can do in my world, and that's me. Sounds like you guys have a buddy system! How nice for all of you freakazoids.
Nobody was ever able to really teach me.
[They had given him lectures. Lessons. Tutorials.
And yet nobody had been able to prepare him for being in his skin, by virtue of him being the first. They didn't care about the damage it'd do to his psyche. All the blood and gore and mangled bodies that he saw at such a young age, burned into the back of his brain forever and ever- None of those scientist sickos gave a flying fuck.]
I had to learn how my powers worked all by myself! And there were some super bloody accidents, 'specially around the time I was twelve.
[ Interesting, he thinks, watching Rex as he counters the apology; it isn't any of the things Obi-Wan felt he had to apologize for. Perhaps in hindsight that makes sense. When one puts one's life on the line on a regular basis, continuing to do so is no different than any other day of the week. It's his ability and his singular ability to use it well — the idea that Obi-Wan could have slandered that in some way.
So a young man who is living up to the highest of expectations with little wiggle room. Depressingly familiar, if notably more traumatic; this boy barely had anyone to show him love at all. His loneliness is a shield of serrated teeth. This is why Obi-Wan chooses to ignore the very obvious baiting to focus on the main point: ]
I had no questions about your ability. For as brash as you are, you don't strike me as the sort to needlessly put your own life in danger. If you thought blowing up pieces of the mine could be done, I trusted you.
[The dry "praise" or "reassurance" or whatever the hell it can be classified as goes in one ear and out the other. In his mind, Rex crosses Obi-Wan off an already short list. It was his fault for trusting someone off the team and from a different planet with abilities that he didn't understand. He had gotten too comfortable. Superpowers are just as much a liability as they are a gift, a lesson he learned when he first received a set of his own.]
Save the horseshit for someone who cares to roll around in it.
[Brown-nosers. Idiots.
Rex enjoys flattery, oh trust and believe he does, but he's not hearing it this time. He refuses to. People are all the same- Selfish, unreliable, and with a greater propensity for violence than most privileged, "normal" civilians would believe. All it takes is one bad day, and that's neither here nor there.]
Hey! Now that you've said your piece to make yourself feel better? You can go and take your old man stench somewhere else.
[The hair on the back of the young hero's neck bristles.]
[ Obi-Wan considers him, but there's something almost calculating in the way he does it. This would be a fine and easy time to walk away from this conversation. He has apologized, and it is clear that Rex does not care about it. This is a boy with a very short list of people he considers trustworthy, and the fact he is getting such rough treatment leads him to believe that Obi-Wan must have been incredibly close to being on it — if not already placed.
Another person might take this at face value and consider the battle lost. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan has never been that person.
His air of seriousness seems to drop around the edges as his shoulders slope and he starts unbuttoning his top. Since he's committing to this, he isn't about to sit around in uncomfortable layers. With arch curiousity: ]
Did you want to talk about what happened when you were twelve? Is that why you brought it up?
[Rex is careful when it comes to divulging bits and pieces of his sordid past, in part because he's done his best to count the good deeds and line them against the bad, but as of recent he's gone and done the unthinkable yet again. He can't share easily. Hollow pity is the worst, as those who express it lack a sense of shared experience, and often unknowingly put themselves on a pedestal as a result. And then there are those who don't feel enough, which angers him all the same.]
No.
[He was mostly talking to himself, at himself. It's what he does. A way to pass the time and keep himself company.]
[ Obi-Wan takes his time to disrobe, then find a place to put his folded clothes, and then take a seat on the wooden planks of the sauna opposite Rex. It gives the boy plenty of time to sullenly find his answer and offer it up, and Obi-Wan seem like he's in no rush to try and usher an answer out of him. What might be more surprising is that when he does finally sit down, he adopts a posture similar to the superhero. One arm slung over the back of the seat, knees splayed wide, at almost complete odds with his relatively crisp outward demeanor. ]
Then why did you say it?
[ He gestures with his left hand, the one not splayed back on the bench, arching an eyebrow wryly. ]
I find it highly unlikely you are looking for pity. Is it meant to be intimidating?
Even he's left to sit and wonder. Rex's mouth moves first, faster than his mind most days, but on the rare occasion that they fire away in tandem, he's usually down to his last explosive.]
It's not intimidation if it's true!
[The grin he sports is wicked, as the memory stings. Radcliffe was the textbook definition of a horrible person, manipulating a disadvantaged child starved of both food and affection, but he had been the first encouraging voice that Rex had ever heard. A part Rex still misses the disgusting bastard.]
[ Obi-Wan disagrees, completely ignoring the last couple of things Rex says to try and get a rise out of him. Instead, he looks calmly across at him and gestures with the hand that is keeping it's perch around his ankle. ]
That fact that you have survived a frankly harrowing childhood makes you tougher than many people who have not lived anything remotely like it. Why shouldn't that be intimidating?
[ He looks away, brushing an imaginary piece of lint off the towel on his lap. ]
It certainly keeps people at a distance, doesn't it?
[It sure does. And for what? He's not the strongest. He can't lift nearly as much as Black Samson or Invincible. He couldn't if he tried.]
Honestly? I think it's more the, uh, winning personality, but! So what if some people can't take the heat? Most of 'em have got shit taste anyway.
[He cracks a smile there, meeting the Jedi's eyes with his own, bowing his head not out of respect, but a bizarre mixture of whimsy and spite. From the outside, it is all hubris, the face of a professional daredevil about to jump into a tank of sharks.
There is pain beneath the surface still, somewhere at his core, the kind of thing that's lasted so long he should be used to it by now, though it flares up time and time again.]
We're all goin' back home anyway, right? Or well, that's the plan!
In the grand scheme of things, all this? Is no. Big. Deal.
[ Obi-Wan regards him for a long moment, the flippant air of his posture and his tone, the seemingly blasé approach to this whole thing. He recalls the genuine concern in the mine, before Obi-Wan's own struggle had gotten the better of him. No big deal, indeed. Underneath this exterior is a very lonely boy. Both of the Jedi's eyebrows cock up, almost sarcastic. ]
Well I suppose you should get comfortable. You'll probably be here for a while.
[Lonely, distrustful, vulgar, and angry- You name it.
That statement in itself is a mixed bag. In Rex's line of work, being out of shape or out of practice may as well be a death sentence. If he gets kicked to the curb or outed from the Guardians he not only would be humiliated, but out of a place to stay, with no housing or educational prospects. For a boy from the lowest rung of society who never managed to graduate the eighth grade, he'd be fucked. Might as well put a bullet to his head at that point, and even then, he is well aware that he'd be likely to survive. Rex, himself, has a pretty solid handle on his body and his abilities- Six months. He has six months to get out of this place otherwise his livelihood is done for, the catch up game will drive him crazy-]
Are you?
[But in an odd way, he is comfortable. This place is unpredictable and annoying at times, but not as dire as his own world. Rex finds himself eating shit less often and enjoying spending time with Mark, with Invincible of all people, and even that makes him wonder.
If people like himself, Eve, Mark, Kate... Even Robot...
What if they were normal people? Would they be having a good time? Would life be just that, comfortable? God, what would it be like? To have your only concerns be who your date for the prom was going be, to know that safety and financial security was guaranteed. That if he wanted, he could apply to some bullshit place like university, and have time, years to figure out whether he wanted to be an accountant or an engineer.]
Comfortable.
Here.
[Rex does not know the meaning of the word as a civilian would.
He may be the team's resident slacker, but even so, he desires greatness.]
[ This isn't the first time he has been asked this question, but taking it into his hands and turning it over, he thinks his answer is different. Comfortable isn't the term he would have used, because when they arrived, he had viewed this as simply another mission. In some respects, he still views it that way, but there is more to it than that.
It has given him the opportunity to meet Cal and help him in his training. It has let him step away from the front of the war — or the end of it, anyway — and remember what it is like to be a person instead of a soldier. More important than anything else, it has let him reconnect with Anakin.
Obi-Wan leans back, pushes his damp hair out of his face and looks up at the hazy wooden planking of the ceiling. The stubborn fringe of his hair stays slicked back for a moment, before falling heavily back against his brow. Is he comfortable? ]
I am... grateful.
[ He admits at length, and closes his eyes, reaching out into the Force to feel the life of the people milling around them beyond the sauna. Reaching out to feel Cal, and Anakin. Reminding himself they are whole and safe. ]
I cannot understate all that I have lost in my timeline. This place has given me opportunities the war never would have allowed. When I return, I doubt anything will change. The wheels in motion cannot be stopped for me — but there are others who may be able to change the course of history with a better understanding of themselves and the world around them.
[ A beat, and he opens his eyes again. ]
Those of us that leave will leave as better versions of ourselves.
[ The suggestion being that, maybe, some of them won't be leaving at all. There were whole civilizations in these train cars. Obi-Wan doesn't think they exist simply as happenstance. ]
[He sounds confused, but makes no comment on the leaving part just yet. Rex has discussed this with another young man like himself- People from every which way are being pulled in and thrust into a dangerous place. There is no guarantee that others will help them, which means that some are bound to be killed in the process.
And that just doesn't sit right with him.]
Why can't you stop them?
[The wheels.
Rex sits, if rather hesitantly, on that thought. He has often struggled with the machinations of his own heart, feeling as though the destructive onslaught of negative emotions and his own bitterness are unstoppable, but what of his time here? Spent with people like Mark, or even Fukawa. It's less difficult to quit being a total asshole when people offer you empathy or understanding, and that seems... Oddly possible now. Especially in the face of greater atrocities.]
I think you can always throw a wrench in the gears.
Like, maybe it won't change the grand scheme of things...?
[Like when and why you're going to die. Or, even more undeniably, if.
But it is the how that matters.]
But you could at least toss that shit in and say, "Fuck it!" Right? Otherwise you're always gonna be sittin' around wondering what could've been.
[ It such an innocent thing to say, and Obi-Wan smiles sadly. Sometimes it is easy to forget how young some of these people are. Rex may be boisterous and exceedingly strong with his powers, but he is still a teenager, caught in the age between Ahsoka and Anakin, both of them with grasping at hope and believing in their own power to alter the course of the universe.
How could he possibly tell Rex that it cannot be stopped because it is quite literally too late? That Anakin has fallen, has had a hand in killing their family? That Palpatine has already taken power, labeled the Jedi as traitors, and single-handedly upended the galaxy as he knew it? All he can do now is go to Mustafar and pray he and Padmé will be enough to bring him to his senses. For if the two of them cannot, all will be lost. ]
He knows that he, one person, can't throttle the necks of corporate scum and force them to hand over their millions to the kind of children that suffered like he did. His identity must be kept a secret to keep that invisible target from being beamed into the center of his forehead, but he is living proof that heroes can come from anywhere. Anyplace, any time, any corner of the universe...
Even nothing. And that is something, is it not?]
...Eh, not exactly.
[Honesty is the key to... What the fuck was it? Improvement? Growth?]
But I'd like to.
[He says that not knowing the misery he will be subjected to soon. And yet, in spite of that, he will live up to those words.
[ Obi-Wan regards him for a long, even moment, watching as he works through his thoughts to come out the other side. It's an honest answer, Obi-Wan can see it in his expression even if he couldn't feel it in the Force around them. He thinks of how he approaches these situations, his abundance of caution and his tendency to think ahead instead of in the moment. His Master had always said he had more trouble with the Living Force than other aspects of it. A great leap forward often requires taking two steps back., he had said once to Anakin, to which his friend had replied: ]
To make a great leap forward, sometimes all it takes is the will to jump.
[Jumping, or the art of it, was a skill he had mastered before ever gaining superpowers. Parkouring over cars, losing police officers, and taking the "long way" home with stolen groceries hidden under his ill-fitted jackets... That had been the state in which Radcliffe had found him, and if fate didn't change the course of his life, it would have been where he had stayed. That road, Rex's original path, would have lead to incarceration, starvation, or being hit by the wrong bullet. Funny how, even if he were to be shot square in the head at close range, he'd be able to survive that now.]
I'm always jumping.
[If one were to peek into the recesses of Rex's mind, a recurring scene, an image that would play over and over, would be that of him crouching on a levitating scooter, piloted by Robot, bracing himself for a hundred foot drop, amidst screams and fires and explosions. The height just doesn't phase him anymore, and in some ways, neither does the danger.]
That's my whole life.
I've never really had a choice.
[Rex doesn't say this to garner pity or recognition, with no inkling of the intimidating tone he mustered up before. For the others, they have had their safe, middle-class lives, their loving parents and suburban houses. His childhood home, if one could even call it that, was an abandoned building with a rotting foundation. Rex hadn't thought much of deeds and ownership at the time, but he knows now- His family had been squatting.]
If I stand still? Me? I'd be guaranteed a date with the Grim Reaper.
So, I jump. He misses my ankle by an inch, and I live to see tomorrow.
[He eyes the Jedi with a look of genuine bewilderment. What would it be like? To simply exist without signing your life away to protect the Earth? If he were to retire from being a superhero, he-]
What's it like to be able to stay in one place? Don't ask me! I couldn't tell ya.
[Would not only be unfulfilled, but utterly and royally fucked.]
[ Obi-Wan lifts both eyebrows at that, listening to the way Rex interprets the words. What it says about him, about his thoughts. He doesn't refute the feeling behind it, or even the words themselves. Undoubtedly Rex believes exactly what he says; he can't see any other way to live. Any other way forward.
Obi-Wan believed in that concept much more firmly before he ended up here with Anakin, and Cal.
But knowing what he knows of this train now, how it is designed to challenge them, and hearing what Rex says leads him to one conclusion. ]
Well, perhaps that's exactly what the train brought you here for.
Brought me here? Ugh! Who knows if any of this was intentional? Portals open up and people bloop through dimensions all the time. Well, maybe not all the time, but it happens!
[He's encountered it at least four times prior, although this is the first incident where he's the one who's been displaced in such a manner.]
Also? Who gave this Clownductor bastard the right to judge me?! I bet if that dude was in my place, he wouldn't have survived this long! He might have even gone full-on super villain, I know I almost did.
Sure, I could do to be a better person. That's true for anybody! But what if I didn't have superpowers, or know what it's like to survive with limited resources? I'm surprised more people aren't dead right about now. I get that we're supposed to help each other, but not everybody has the time or energy for that.
And why should they, if they're barely makin' ends meet? Some days, bein' alive just feels like a curse.
You are correct, the Clownductor will never fully understand your experience. What you went through, what you had to endure.
[ For in Obi-Wan's mind, this whole business is the will of the Force, and the Force does not seek good or evil, it seeks balance. There are absolutely people here who would not have survived some of those cars without someone else, but that was the point. The journey, not the destination. ]
And I do not think that is the point.
You are here, having these experiences, whether you like it or not. If you are always jumping, as you say, then why not jump into this as well?
[He could concede Obi-Wan's point, which would be a miserable realization, so instead he racks his brain for an answer.]
'Cause my legs hurt?
[That they do.
Physically, Rex's skeleton has been altered to sustain incredible amounts of damage, sure. But since it had been normal before, and was designed without Rex's own well-being in mind, that means his joints are prone to hurting from time to time, especially after constantly being pushed to their limits. Most of the pain is concentrated in his lower back, however.
Metaphorically speaking, a lot of the time he wishes that someone else would just take his hand and pull him forward. Eve had tried and he had betrayed her.
He's on his own now.]
Some of the other guys just look like they have it so easy.
Obi-Wan doesn't even know if Rex realizes what he's doing, the confession disguised as a joke. A first step in the direction he wants but is terrified to go.
He leans forward to pour another scoop of water on the steamer between them, his voice even, factual: ]
It always seems that way when we are working alone.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
to action!!
[ Quite frankly it's rather embarrassing it has taken him this long to get around to this. It has sat like a weight on his shoulders since Minecraftia, but this train had a way of separating it's passengers in a way Obi-Wan has yet to quite figure out. Despite the linear nature of the place, he can't even keep an eye on Anakin all the time, and he is the one person Obi-Wan should always arguably know the location of.
Regardless he makes his way to the saunas, dressed down in a way he usually isn't, which shows the number 305 on his forearm. ]
no subject
You look so dumb.
[In his mind, which Obi-Wan can certainly read, Rex finds the outfit to be lacking a badly rolled joint containing some overpriced herb.]
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He studies at Rex for a moment, the easy sprawl with which he takes up space; the nonchalant expression and the aggressive greeting. A great show to cover up the uncertainty and defensiveness underneath, the place where Rex has offered something vulnerable and Obi-Wan had slapped his hand away.
Obi-Wan holds none of that against him.
What he does do is fold his hands behind his back at parade rest. He isn't sure when this started to become his default for a serious, respectful conversation when he isn't wearing his robes. ]
When we were in the mines, I was deep into the sickness the spores were spreading. I was... much further along than I had anticipated. Or rather, my continued exposure hurried it along. Later symptoms of the disease include delirium and erratic behaviour.
Regardless— my actions were inexcusable. [ His gaze lifts from where it had moved away during his explanation. ] And I am sorry for not only putting your life in danger, but for suggesting any of it was your fault.
cw: child abuse, gore
Even though there are so many others. Risking their lives to do the right thing. And doing the right thing is damn hard, especially when nobody ever loved you the right way, save for one person. And he had gone and fucked it up! Because he couldn't trust her, because love was something that he'd never been given. He'd fought and killed for the next best thing, which was respect.]
I put my life on the line every day! Willingly, even. Or well, back home at least.
That part I don't give a shit about.
[He fucking does. Rex smiles anyway.]
What really ground my gears was you suggestin' that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. My powers are dangerous. Yeah! I know.
It takes a lotta practice to do what I do. Precision at it's fucking finest. Also, if I'm not in the best goddamn shape of my life? My powers start goin' haywire. Also, also! If I ever start gettin' that sloppy, I'd be a dead man for sure.
[That part is serious. He's a professional superhero with no education past the eighth grade. Haughty and ill-tempered. He has no place in the regular world.]
And unlike you psychic space fucks? There's only one person who can do what I can do in my world, and that's me. Sounds like you guys have a buddy system! How nice for all of you freakazoids.
Nobody was ever able to really teach me.
[They had given him lectures. Lessons. Tutorials.
And yet nobody had been able to prepare him for being in his skin, by virtue of him being the first. They didn't care about the damage it'd do to his psyche. All the blood and gore and mangled bodies that he saw at such a young age, burned into the back of his brain forever and ever- None of those scientist sickos gave a flying fuck.]
I had to learn how my powers worked all by myself! And there were some super bloody accidents, 'specially around the time I was twelve.
How's that for a fun bedtime story?
no subject
So a young man who is living up to the highest of expectations with little wiggle room. Depressingly familiar, if notably more traumatic; this boy barely had anyone to show him love at all. His loneliness is a shield of serrated teeth. This is why Obi-Wan chooses to ignore the very obvious baiting to focus on the main point: ]
I had no questions about your ability. For as brash as you are, you don't strike me as the sort to needlessly put your own life in danger. If you thought blowing up pieces of the mine could be done, I trusted you.
no subject
Save the horseshit for someone who cares to roll around in it.
[Brown-nosers. Idiots.
Rex enjoys flattery, oh trust and believe he does, but he's not hearing it this time. He refuses to. People are all the same- Selfish, unreliable, and with a greater propensity for violence than most privileged, "normal" civilians would believe. All it takes is one bad day, and that's neither here nor there.]
Hey! Now that you've said your piece to make yourself feel better? You can go and take your old man stench somewhere else.
[The hair on the back of the young hero's neck bristles.]
I'm just hot air, remember? Piss on outta here.
no subject
Another person might take this at face value and consider the battle lost. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan has never been that person.
His air of seriousness seems to drop around the edges as his shoulders slope and he starts unbuttoning his top. Since he's committing to this, he isn't about to sit around in uncomfortable layers. With arch curiousity: ]
Did you want to talk about what happened when you were twelve? Is that why you brought it up?
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No.
[He was mostly talking to himself, at himself. It's what he does. A way to pass the time and keep himself company.]
no subject
Then why did you say it?
[ He gestures with his left hand, the one not splayed back on the bench, arching an eyebrow wryly. ]
I find it highly unlikely you are looking for pity. Is it meant to be intimidating?
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Even he's left to sit and wonder. Rex's mouth moves first, faster than his mind most days, but on the rare occasion that they fire away in tandem, he's usually down to his last explosive.]
It's not intimidation if it's true!
[The grin he sports is wicked, as the memory stings. Radcliffe was the textbook definition of a horrible person, manipulating a disadvantaged child starved of both food and affection, but he had been the first encouraging voice that Rex had ever heard. A part Rex still misses the disgusting bastard.]
How's the heat Psy-Dick? [...original] You good?
I can always raise the temperature.
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[ Obi-Wan disagrees, completely ignoring the last couple of things Rex says to try and get a rise out of him. Instead, he looks calmly across at him and gestures with the hand that is keeping it's perch around his ankle. ]
That fact that you have survived a frankly harrowing childhood makes you tougher than many people who have not lived anything remotely like it. Why shouldn't that be intimidating?
[ He looks away, brushing an imaginary piece of lint off the towel on his lap. ]
It certainly keeps people at a distance, doesn't it?
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Honestly? I think it's more the, uh, winning personality, but! So what if some people can't take the heat? Most of 'em have got shit taste anyway.
[He cracks a smile there, meeting the Jedi's eyes with his own, bowing his head not out of respect, but a bizarre mixture of whimsy and spite. From the outside, it is all hubris, the face of a professional daredevil about to jump into a tank of sharks.
There is pain beneath the surface still, somewhere at his core, the kind of thing that's lasted so long he should be used to it by now, though it flares up time and time again.]
We're all goin' back home anyway, right? Or well, that's the plan!
In the grand scheme of things, all this? Is no. Big. Deal.
[Quite the contrary.
It is changing him too.]
no subject
Well I suppose you should get comfortable. You'll probably be here for a while.
cw: suicidal ideation
That statement in itself is a mixed bag. In Rex's line of work, being out of shape or out of practice may as well be a death sentence. If he gets kicked to the curb or outed from the Guardians he not only would be humiliated, but out of a place to stay, with no housing or educational prospects. For a boy from the lowest rung of society who never managed to graduate the eighth grade, he'd be fucked. Might as well put a bullet to his head at that point, and even then, he is well aware that he'd be likely to survive. Rex, himself, has a pretty solid handle on his body and his abilities- Six months. He has six months to get out of this place otherwise his livelihood is done for, the catch up game will drive him crazy-]
Are you?
[But in an odd way, he is comfortable. This place is unpredictable and annoying at times, but not as dire as his own world. Rex finds himself eating shit less often and enjoying spending time with Mark, with Invincible of all people, and even that makes him wonder.
If people like himself, Eve, Mark, Kate... Even Robot...
What if they were normal people? Would they be having a good time? Would life be just that, comfortable? God, what would it be like? To have your only concerns be who your date for the prom was going be, to know that safety and financial security was guaranteed. That if he wanted, he could apply to some bullshit place like university, and have time, years to figure out whether he wanted to be an accountant or an engineer.]
Comfortable.
Here.
[Rex does not know the meaning of the word as a civilian would.
He may be the team's resident slacker, but even so, he desires greatness.]
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It has given him the opportunity to meet Cal and help him in his training. It has let him step away from the front of the war — or the end of it, anyway — and remember what it is like to be a person instead of a soldier. More important than anything else, it has let him reconnect with Anakin.
Obi-Wan leans back, pushes his damp hair out of his face and looks up at the hazy wooden planking of the ceiling. The stubborn fringe of his hair stays slicked back for a moment, before falling heavily back against his brow. Is he comfortable? ]
I am... grateful.
[ He admits at length, and closes his eyes, reaching out into the Force to feel the life of the people milling around them beyond the sauna. Reaching out to feel Cal, and Anakin. Reminding himself they are whole and safe. ]
I cannot understate all that I have lost in my timeline. This place has given me opportunities the war never would have allowed. When I return, I doubt anything will change. The wheels in motion cannot be stopped for me — but there are others who may be able to change the course of history with a better understanding of themselves and the world around them.
[ A beat, and he opens his eyes again. ]
Those of us that leave will leave as better versions of ourselves.
[ The suggestion being that, maybe, some of them won't be leaving at all. There were whole civilizations in these train cars. Obi-Wan doesn't think they exist simply as happenstance. ]
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[He sounds confused, but makes no comment on the leaving part just yet. Rex has discussed this with another young man like himself- People from every which way are being pulled in and thrust into a dangerous place. There is no guarantee that others will help them, which means that some are bound to be killed in the process.
And that just doesn't sit right with him.]
Why can't you stop them?
[The wheels.
Rex sits, if rather hesitantly, on that thought. He has often struggled with the machinations of his own heart, feeling as though the destructive onslaught of negative emotions and his own bitterness are unstoppable, but what of his time here? Spent with people like Mark, or even Fukawa. It's less difficult to quit being a total asshole when people offer you empathy or understanding, and that seems... Oddly possible now. Especially in the face of greater atrocities.]
I think you can always throw a wrench in the gears.
Like, maybe it won't change the grand scheme of things...?
[Like when and why you're going to die. Or, even more undeniably, if.
But it is the how that matters.]
But you could at least toss that shit in and say, "Fuck it!" Right? Otherwise you're always gonna be sittin' around wondering what could've been.
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How could he possibly tell Rex that it cannot be stopped because it is quite literally too late? That Anakin has fallen, has had a hand in killing their family? That Palpatine has already taken power, labeled the Jedi as traitors, and single-handedly upended the galaxy as he knew it? All he can do now is go to Mustafar and pray he and Padmé will be enough to bring him to his senses. For if the two of them cannot, all will be lost. ]
Is that how you have approached things so far?
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He knows that he, one person, can't throttle the necks of corporate scum and force them to hand over their millions to the kind of children that suffered like he did. His identity must be kept a secret to keep that invisible target from being beamed into the center of his forehead, but he is living proof that heroes can come from anywhere. Anyplace, any time, any corner of the universe...
Even nothing. And that is something, is it not?]
...Eh, not exactly.
[Honesty is the key to... What the fuck was it? Improvement? Growth?]
But I'd like to.
[He says that not knowing the misery he will be subjected to soon. And yet, in spite of that, he will live up to those words.
Even if he won't live for very long.]
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To make a great leap forward, sometimes all it takes is the will to jump.
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[Jumping, or the art of it, was a skill he had mastered before ever gaining superpowers. Parkouring over cars, losing police officers, and taking the "long way" home with stolen groceries hidden under his ill-fitted jackets... That had been the state in which Radcliffe had found him, and if fate didn't change the course of his life, it would have been where he had stayed. That road, Rex's original path, would have lead to incarceration, starvation, or being hit by the wrong bullet. Funny how, even if he were to be shot square in the head at close range, he'd be able to survive that now.]
I'm always jumping.
[If one were to peek into the recesses of Rex's mind, a recurring scene, an image that would play over and over, would be that of him crouching on a levitating scooter, piloted by Robot, bracing himself for a hundred foot drop, amidst screams and fires and explosions. The height just doesn't phase him anymore, and in some ways, neither does the danger.]
That's my whole life.
I've never really had a choice.
[Rex doesn't say this to garner pity or recognition, with no inkling of the intimidating tone he mustered up before. For the others, they have had their safe, middle-class lives, their loving parents and suburban houses. His childhood home, if one could even call it that, was an abandoned building with a rotting foundation. Rex hadn't thought much of deeds and ownership at the time, but he knows now- His family had been squatting.]
If I stand still? Me? I'd be guaranteed a date with the Grim Reaper.
So, I jump. He misses my ankle by an inch, and I live to see tomorrow.
[He eyes the Jedi with a look of genuine bewilderment. What would it be like? To simply exist without signing your life away to protect the Earth? If he were to retire from being a superhero, he-]
What's it like to be able to stay in one place? Don't ask me! I couldn't tell ya.
[Would not only be unfulfilled, but utterly and royally fucked.]
I wouldn't know.
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Obi-Wan believed in that concept much more firmly before he ended up here with Anakin, and Cal.
But knowing what he knows of this train now, how it is designed to challenge them, and hearing what Rex says leads him to one conclusion. ]
Well, perhaps that's exactly what the train brought you here for.
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[He's encountered it at least four times prior, although this is the first incident where he's the one who's been displaced in such a manner.]
Also? Who gave this Clownductor bastard the right to judge me?! I bet if that dude was in my place, he wouldn't have survived this long! He might have even gone full-on super villain, I know I almost did.
Sure, I could do to be a better person. That's true for anybody! But what if I didn't have superpowers, or know what it's like to survive with limited resources? I'm surprised more people aren't dead right about now. I get that we're supposed to help each other, but not everybody has the time or energy for that.
And why should they, if they're barely makin' ends meet? Some days, bein' alive just feels like a curse.
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[ For in Obi-Wan's mind, this whole business is the will of the Force, and the Force does not seek good or evil, it seeks balance. There are absolutely people here who would not have survived some of those cars without someone else, but that was the point. The journey, not the destination. ]
And I do not think that is the point.
You are here, having these experiences, whether you like it or not. If you are always jumping, as you say, then why not jump into this as well?
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'Cause my legs hurt?
[That they do.
Physically, Rex's skeleton has been altered to sustain incredible amounts of damage, sure. But since it had been normal before, and was designed without Rex's own well-being in mind, that means his joints are prone to hurting from time to time, especially after constantly being pushed to their limits. Most of the pain is concentrated in his lower back, however.
Metaphorically speaking, a lot of the time he wishes that someone else would just take his hand and pull him forward. Eve had tried and he had betrayed her.
He's on his own now.]
Some of the other guys just look like they have it so easy.
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Obi-Wan doesn't even know if Rex realizes what he's doing, the confession disguised as a joke. A first step in the direction he wants but is terrified to go.
He leans forward to pour another scoop of water on the steamer between them, his voice even, factual: ]
It always seems that way when we are working alone.
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